So, starting on August 31st, I’ll be racing around the world. Yes, you read that correctly. Around the world. In a boat. With 10 other boats. Apparently, there’s no shortage of people who think this is a good idea, which I find both comforting and deeply alarming. The race will take me across some of the most beautiful and unforgiving seas on the planet. The course will be a high-speed adventure, or at least that’s what I’m told, though I’ve yet to figure out how anyone can call this high-speed when you’re dealing with wind, waves, and the occasional rogue jellyfish who’s had a little too much to drink.

There will be 9 stopovers — nine! That’s a lot of ports, and at least one of them is in a place I’ve never heard of. It’s like the Ocean Race, minus Cape Horn, which, frankly, is a relief because I’m fairly sure that the phrase “Cape Horn” sounds like a euphemism for “fate worse than death.”

Over the course of 11 months, I’ll be battling the elements, trying not to be swallowed by the sea, and hoping that our fellow competitors don’t sabotage our boat when we’re not looking. There will be highs (I’m assuming this is when we make it to port without falling off) and lows (which I imagine will include my complete and utter collapse in the middle of the Southern Ocean, where no one can hear me scream). But through it all, I will be experiencing some of the most beautiful coastlines and cultures on Earth. Assuming, of course, that I survive long enough to experience them.

But that’s the fun of it, right? Or at least that’s what the brochure says.

So, I invite you to join me on this absurd adventure. You can follow my progress, laugh at my misfortunes, and maybe even send me a care package of sunscreen and ginger ale, or something much stronger when I’m far too seasick to remember how to use my phone. Let’s sail into the unknown — or, as I like to think of it, “what could possibly go wrong?”