meeting king Neptune

King Neptune himself

It is a long-standing seafaring tradition that when a ship crosses the equator, all first-timers—known as pollywogs—must endure a ceremony overseen by King Neptune himself. This was explained to us by a member of Neptune’s court, a title that suggests either great authority or a very convincing costume. We were told that each watch was required to prepare a song to be performed upon crossing the line, as though Neptune were hosting an open-mic night and we were his captive audience.

Fortunately, our watch included Bob, a proper bard, which is to say a grown man who takes song parody very seriously. He immediately set to work rewriting I’ve Been a Wild Rover, a process that inspired both awe and concern. For the full lyrics, which deserve their own stage and lighting, I refer you to Bob’s Blog.

When the moment came, Neptune seemed genuinely pleased with our offering. After presenting him with some of our most treasured possessions—namely chocolate and nuts, which at sea are worth more than gold—he granted us safe passage. This felt fair. In the end, we were no longer pollywogs but seasoned sailors, officially recognized by a mythical sea god with a sweet tooth and, thankfully, a forgiving ear.